Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
