An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
