wanna go halves on a baby?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
