was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
