Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
