So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
