sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
