I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize