I can tuck mytits in my pants
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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