Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
