There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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