Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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