She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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