That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
