your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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