i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
