I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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