am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
