Someone shit on the floor
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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