My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
should my penis look like a turkey
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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