my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
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