whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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