it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
