dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
