if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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