Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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