So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
