i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
