Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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