I am spending my child support on dildos
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
