i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
