Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
