I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
