I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
