on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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