I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
