if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nicole vs. Life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
