Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
