we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
