P.S. I can't hear my feet
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
