im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if only i could text you this smell
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
