She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
