He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
nutella sex= disaster
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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