i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
