Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
