Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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