1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
