I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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