i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
