I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize