apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize