It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
