He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
