Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
