And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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