I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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