i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
