I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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