Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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