you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
