upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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