I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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