there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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