the day after is always just damage control
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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