Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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