I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
