Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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