Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
