CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
