Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
