Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
