remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
