I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
