I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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