Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
