8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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