This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
