I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
