my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
